The four seasons..

I’m sitting here in my living room. It’s ridiculous o’ clock and I’m still awake. I can hear the wind billowing. The cold air is making its way through my house and knocking though the doors. Winter has truly settled in its place, where has the year gone? How can we be approaching December already?  It’s weird how you may have achieved a lot in a year but still feel like you’re in the same place. The world may spin at a thousand or more miles an hour - so you can either try and remain constant or try to keep up (metaphorically speaking). Tick tock tick tock. As a child I would wait all year for my Birthday or for Christmas. The wait seemed never ending and then the day would be over in a flash.

2012 has been a year to remember. London in particular has been a myriad of events. The Queen’s Jubilee, the London Olympics and Paralympics. With a city buzzing from all of these events (and maybe it was in my head) to me everyone seemed so smiley and just that little bit happier. It’s almost as if we were in this giant bubble and nothing on the outside mattered at all or could penetrate through. As with the seasons, these times pass. The rain will still fall, the sun will still shine. Volcanoes will erupt and the earth will still quake as and when she needs to. As we see Natural disasters happen in our world we can face the reality, that in the ratio of the huge wide world we are merely microcosms.

Our world is in a mess at the moment. I’m as guilty as the next person. Consumerism gnaws at me like a disease. I like nice things. As I purchase a beautiful pair of shoes I seem to forget all the things I could do instead.  But that is the human condition. We seem to be able to erase what we want from our subconscious. Us as human beings are astonishing creatures. With all of this knowledge between us you would have thought that we’d know better. I heard a brilliant quote recently ‘Common sense is a lot like deodorant. The people who need it the most don’t use it’.

Due to the overwhelming desire to remain impartial sometimes we sit and we do nothing. I look to the news and I’m heartbroken. You see the wars and the devastation and the injustice – surely we should know better?

 I always said that when I turned a certain age I would shave my head! That birthday came and went and I still have a full head of hair. Someone simply pointed out ‘that’s because you thought that birthday was so far away and that it would never come’.

 There are Presidents being re-elected, economies going into turmoil, bombs being hurtled at one another and so many other things happening. In the grand scheme of things; Mother Nature will still do what she wants to do as the seasons come round without fail. Can’t we lighten up and love each other just a teeny bit. I’m a hippy and have the lyrics to ‘Imagine’ going through my head right now but I really mean it.

I’m currently one of the cast members in a wonderful workshop with an aim of connecting our voices to our bodies to push us further into becoming fearless performers. It is to culminate into a show called ‘Tempus’ which will be at the Tristan Bates Theatre in the New Year.  Tempus fugit – a Latin expression for ‘Time flees’ which has been more commonly translated as ‘Time flies’. Time does truly fly when you’re having a blast. I don’t even know where to begin with my thoughts on this experience. It has been incredible. We are a cast of nine, each with a different journey that has brought us together, each with something very different to achieve. Each week we all come together and sing. We can see and feel our instruments change every week. I watch my new friends in amazement. I find myself falling deeper in love with their voices each time I hear them sing.

What really strikes me in this story is that it resonates with so much that is already happening on our planet. Tempus is set in the future at a time when the Earth is in trouble. There are two groups ‘The Scientists’ and ‘The Druids’. They both believe that they know what is best for the earth. It has all the elements to make it an explosive story. There is a forbidden love between the two male leads of the group; Professor Duncan and the High Priest Leo. To me, their love represents a forbidden love within our world, with all of these antagonising forces that manipulate others for self progression. But it is also just a simple tale of where two groups of people believe with every fibre of their being that they are right. Now what does that remind you of?

Are we merely pawns in this giant game of chess? What are the people at the top thinking? Is it that they think that that birthday will never come around?

 This is a long blog, and it’s now six in the morning. But when you gotta write you gotta write. So on that note Good morning, good evening and have a good day in between.

 This blog has been written for

http://workingtitlestheatre.wordpress.com/

 Which is the blog for ‘Tempus’ – but I’m also sharing this on my own blog.

BOO!

Salam my darlings, how are we all on this cold dreary wet evening?  You’re probably asleep, unless you’re somewhere else in the world. I should be asleep, but I wanted to say hey. Summer in London has been a dreadful affair.  The heavens above seem to be constantly opening their skies and just pissing down on us. The weather seems to be in a state of confusion, going from sunny to rainy within moments. I even got caught in the rain today whilst walking home; I looked like a drowned rat. For a split moment I almost had an urge to prance about like in a Bollywood movie, but I had shopping to put away.

I can’t believe how long it has been since I last wrote a blog. So much has happened that I don’t even know where to begin. Two of my closest friends gave birth to some stunning babies.  One is a little boy; a very serious chap. One is a little girl; all powdery and pink and as sweet as a girl should be. I’m always astounded by babies, the amount of love you can possess for them even though you may have just met them.  I spent hours with both of them on separate occasions and it’s amazing how time almost stops.

One of these mummies is a close childhood friend. Everyone seems to be popping out sprogs at the moment but it has been astonishing to see my friend become a mum before my very eyes. Gone are the days where we could obsess over boys and watch terrible TV or sit in the park with our Marlboro menthols, but it’s now replaced with something even greater. I know the world seems to be a very confusing place right now but there is something about a brand new being that makes me happy and forget it all. I always remember this line from a book I read when I was studying English literature many moons ago ‘unmarked as a spilled bolt of bridal satin’.  To me, this line represents newness and hope. 

On a separate note, my nephew who is almost two made me the happiest aunt ever. I’d just returned from a last minute casting. My agent had asked me to go along looking like ‘a funky Shoreditch type’. So I went along with my footless tights, a ridiculously tight body con miniskirt and a bright lime green chequered shirt. As I came home and took off my jacket, my little bubba came up to me and stroked the arm of my shirt and said ‘nice’ and went along on his merry little way. The best compliment ever.

These past few months have been enlightening. Yes there have been highs and lows but the nuggets of wisdom that I’m gathering has been vast. The varied people I’m meeting daily, the auditions, the process and being able to hone that BS detector that everyone should have.  I’m also learning to decipher feelings of really being in the moment and trusting that you are exactly where you’re supposed to be.  That doesn’t mean that there is any room for idleness, you still have to go out and get it however contradictory that may sound.  As a wise person once said to me ‘you don’t become a pilot by just sitting on your arse in front of the TV’.

Having just completed a course studying the technique of Meisner, I know this course has played a huge part in my life. Sanford Meisner was a pretty awesome dude.  He’s all about how ‘Acting is living truthfully under a given set of circumstances’. Meeting my teacher and my classmates and drawing my conclusions was something I needed to do. It’s been incredible. I was where I needed to be in those many moments. Those crazy Meisner moments

There is a fire that I’ve found that I thought had been long forgotten. All of this is a culmination. Is that the right way to put it? Because I haven’t reached my highest point yet; I’m being propelled to go deeper and further with everything.

I’ve just gone on for quite a bit, do you know where I’ve gone with this? Do I even know where I’ve gone with this? Hmmm.

“Eat your cereal with a fork and do your homework in the dark” – As said by Christian Slater in Pump up the volume.

Besos

What’s in a name?

Assalam walikum, Shalom, Bonjour, Ola!

How are we all doing blog buddies? I hope that you are all well and loving the gorgeous rays that have been coming our way. It’s been ages since I wrote my last blog. I had a few unfinished blogs sitting on my phone. But I guess the timing wasn’t right. I’ve had time to reflect. This week, I met up with three of my besties. All preggers! We had a lovely picnic, talked about things that friends talk about and then I went on my way to see the ‘Hajj: Journey to the heart of Islam’ exhibition at the British Museum with my big bro. It was inspirational and educational from start to finish. I’m glad I went.

Then on another day, I took my nephew to the park so he could run about and today I sat in the park too. I walked through an empty football pitch to an ice-cream van that always seems to be parked in the same spot come rain or shine. I bought myself a cherry brandy lolly (my favourite!) and sat on a bench that had been dedicated to a woman called Constance and then I walked home.

The cogs and wheels have been spinning around in my head this week. That’s normal for me, I am an over thinker and its nothing to be alarmed by. My topic of the day is faith. If this isn’t your cup of tea then no worries. My family and I are Muslim. I’m fairly liberal, am Britishh and proud! Potato potataaa. Label me as you will.

When I was at fresher’s week at uni many moons ago, I remember approaching one of the ‘god bothering’ tables. I was intrigued. I think I always have been. I asked a couple of questions and took away some literature and left it at that. Uni was such a learning experience for me. I met people of all shapes, colours and sizes. I loved this time. 

I believe a path of enlightenment should come in a non abrasive way. How many of us have come across that street preacher in Central London? He usually comes when you’re queuing to get into a club. He wanders around Oxford Circus. He’ll start to talk about the lord and how we’re all damned to hell. He even has a speaker that he talks into. Most people think he’s a nut. During my youth I had conversations with people that reminded me a lot of that man. Let me stress that I am not talking about my parents, but various peers I’d met along the way. For me as long as the approach is good and I’m not barked at, suppressed in anyway, dictated to - then I’ll listen.

A dear friend (sister) sent me an email a couple of weeks ago. There was a ‘religious’ event soon to be taking place, an afternoon of wonderful Speakers, music and spoken poetry.   I thought I’d give it a go. We were first greeted with two women, both wearing hijabs and both playing instruments. They sang. Clapped, banged drums and spread messages of peace. Then the first speaker came along. He told us stories. He made us laugh; he made us cringe, he made us listen. One of his childhood stories that resonated with me was

“Dad, what’s god’s name? You and I have a name, but what’s god name?”

What an astounding question for a child to ask. But it does get you thinking right?

In the words of Shakespeare ~

“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
by any other name would smell as sweet.”

The greater being has many names and comes in many forms right? Allah; God; Bhagwan and many more.

The headlining act of the afternoon was an older man. From the moment he opened his mouth I was captivated. His talked about the Spiritual heart. In a roundabout way he spoke of the Muslims, Jewish, Christians, Sikhs, Hindus, Buddhists, Atheists, Agnostics and many other variations.. All of these different labels for us teeny tiny people in this universe and how you shouldn’t hate someone for being different.

You do not hate your enemy, you hate what he does. You hate that split second when his mind decided that was his course of action.

This sounds like common sense talk, but not everyone has common sense.

Ultimately it was a message about being good. At points I had tears welling up and I was afraid to look up in case anyone saw me. As I looked to my side, I saw a man who seemed so profoundly moved by the words he was hearing. He had water streaming down his face. His eyes, his mind and his thoughts were transported somewhere else. Such richness came from this speaker and he even spoke of the magical dancing lights in the sky at the northern lights. I was amazed! Especially as I’d gone on about it in my last blog! Gosh we’re all just a bunch of tree huggers really.

This was the first time that I felt I wouldn’t be told off if I was to ask questions. Every child goes through that phase of asking ‘why?’ This is a child’s strategy to connecting and learning about the world around them. Why do we stop asking why as we get older?  If you’re hungry for knowledge ask a question. Read a book and if it’s not enough then read another. If you stop asking questions, can you ask yourself why?

I’ve always been a bit wary about talking about this kind of thing, but then non believers can be quite vocal and we all just have to listen. I’m not here to offend. I’m not here to pass judgement. You do what you got to do to pass from point ‘a’ to point ‘b’. Meander here and there. Take a side road, take a main road. Take your scene and paint it with colour. What has been the point of all this? Am I a hippy now? Ahh, more questions..

I’ve got to go now, I have an audition coming up and have lots to prepare and I’m harping on a bit.

Till next time… 

For mum..

Its blog time! I haven’t dreamt of kissing any royals this time or tried to kidnap anyone, but I did have an audition the other day. I wanted to blog the details but got side tracked on the day. On Thursday I had to get to Borough. I got there a good hour early to find the venue because anyone who knows me well will know that I have a terrible sense of direction. I took 30 minutes to find an address which according to google-maps on my phone, is supposed to take 5 minutes.

As I wandered around the streets, I tried to take in everything and look for inspiration and you know what I saw? A dairylea cheese triangle squashed on a road sign. Gross! For the life of me I couldn’t understand why anyone would do something so rank. I was almost tempted to take a pic but I didn’t.

The audition went well. Yay! I’m training with this new company this week. Its corporate roleplay work and I’m pretty excited.

I’m not sure if I’ve learned any valuable lessons in the past couple of days. So I’m just going to go off on a tangent.

The world has carried on spinning as it does and madness has carried on happening. We’ve seen a US soldier go on a killing spree. Obama and David enjoying a basket ball match and chatting crap. A break-in at the commons, some Kony dude going viral which then prompted a desperado z lister to strip off her clothes to show support to get him arrested (cos that makes so much sense) and lots and lots of other things I’m sure.

Whilst reading various articles and websites I also came across a stunning picture that a Dutch astronaut had taken. It was something called an Aurora Australis. I was never into science at school and pretty much drove my teachers’ potty but I got excited by this picture.

According to wiki an Aurora is a light display caused by the collision of energetic charged particles with atoms in the high altitude atmosphere. (Gosh!) I’m really not that smart but I intend on getting to a point of where I understand all of this stuff

I was then led to youtube by my geeky big bro to watch an even bigger geek called Professor Brian Cox talk about the solar system. He was pretty inspirational.

I’d love to see sparkly lights like this someday. I’m told that there are parts of the world where you can and it will blow your mind!

We are merely a speck! A seed! A teeny fragment in something so much bigger

I think I need to stop writing, I’ve had such little sleep and I’m chatting randomness so I’m going to wrap this up.

We’re now in the early hours of the morning and it is now Mother’s day. Some of my nearest and dearest friends have recently become mummies for the first time, enjoy your day!

I’ve also got a few pregnant buddies, some closer to popping than others – enjoy the miracle that is happening!

I’m going to end this by saying that my mummy is more fabulous than an Aurora.

Mummy Khan – you are a shining star. You deserve the entire world and you’ll get it.

Love you lots.

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY

xx

In pursuit of happiness.

This morning, I got up having had the strangest dream ever. I’d met Prince Harry at a friend’s wedding and then grabbed the boy and gave him a smacker right on his mouth - the poor sod! I’m not sure why this Prince had entered my sub conscious, I think I’d seen pictures of him playing at a charity polo match or something. But I woke up having a good chuckle.

On a different note I decided I needed a day of simplicity with my baby nephew. So I headed to his home and kidnapped him and set off for ‘Clown Town’ with a friend and her adorable son (who happens to be a hour older than my nephew). Now ‘Clown Town’ is an interesting place, there weren’t any clowns for a start. It just seemed to be a huge spongy room. A room with bouncy castles and hundreds of balls.

The babies had a whale of a time and I watched as they frolicked and jumped and squealed with utter delight and it was so gorgeous to watch. They climbed on the jungle gym, bounced on the bouncy castle and ran completely wild for a good couple of hours.

To view the world through the eyes of a baby seems random, but a one year old can teach you so much. You could feel the absolute joy that these children were radiating.

Having just recollected today’s events I’ve just remembered that beautiful quote by John Lennon

- “When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life”..

Isn’t it incredible how we can really lose sight on what’s important? I mean don’t get me wrong, if being a paper chaser is what floats your boat then I’m not judging - but I’m all about focusing on happiness. Pure unadulterated happiness.

I know in a realistic world there is no such thing. On the news earlier I saw a young Syrian boy who was inconsolable. He had witnessed his father being shot. Should we accept that the world is unfair?

There is an old bengali saying that I was always told as a child when I excessively giggled; ‘If you laugh that much, you’ve got to cry that much too’..
When will this young boy laugh as much as he has cried?

So many people have more tears than some and experienced devastation on such an epic scale it just seems brutal.

We are a global community, we need to look after each other. Not kill each other, cheat each other, or be twats to one another… Not sit back and watch these atrocities happen and put it down to it literally being another world.

Today has reminded me to be thankful for everything I have, not what I haven’t.

I bid you adieu.. For tonight…

Three

Hey lovelies.. I’m getting into the swing of this blogging. I’m hoping this doesn’t turn into a forum of where I constantly whinge about stuff. So I’m making a conscious effort to be mega perky or at least semi optimistic about things.

Up until very recently, I was working in a hideous place. But I got to a point of where I felt my soul was being sucked from my very being. 

I respect the saying of ‘you shouldn’t bite the hand that feeds you’ so I won’t be too mean. But you know that feeling of trying to stay awake or that frustration you feel when you’re stuck in traffic and you want to scream?  

Everyday was like I was slowly sinking in quicksand.

I was finally strong enough to leave this job. It felt like a relationship eventually coming to an end.. A break up which I’m all the better for.

I despise that notion that one has to suffer for their art - it really isn’t about that. Its never too late to make a change, and you can teach an old dog new tricks - but you’ve just got to want to learn.

I’ve been trying to expand my mind as of late by reading books I wouldn’t usually read. Watching films I wouldn’t usually watch. Engaging in conversations that may be out of my depth. Because knowledge is power.

One word I’ve acquired in my vocabulary is cognitive. This word refers to the thought process toward awareness or knowledge. Recognition.

Its time to awake from this slumber.

My blog may eventually form into a bucket list of some sort so please bear with me (if you wish).

Its time to throw caution to wind.. (Cheeeese!)..

Sunday

So Sunday is almost over. It always seem to go by so quickly. Time is just ticking away….

What have I spent my weekend doing? I’ve been sat at home in bed nursing a bad back from a vigorous audition I had on Friday!

Arms and legs were flailing all over the place, jumping around in a fashion that I haven’t done so since I was a little girl.. And you know what? I LOVED IT - at the time..

After getting home, my entire back decided to seize up - and I just felt old.
But hey ho.. Nothing ventured, nothing gained (as said by my dear friend YoYo).. I gave it my all, had a frickin ball doing so and now its the waiting game to hear the outcome.

It might be time for a tramadol though..

My first Blog

Hi!

I know we’re in a world inundated with an abundance of internet activity. But I thought it might be nice to write a blog because I like to write. My blog isn’t about anything in particular. It may be of interest or not.

My name is Moshana. I’m from London.
I’m an actress. A tough profession in a tough world, but one I’m not willing to give up on.

I’m a person of faith, I believe in a greater being.

I love my mum, I love my dad, I love my brothers, I love my nephew. I love my friends - some much more than others. I love to love. I love food.

I guess that’s a good starting point?